Explore these practical tips to help you manage passive-aggressive colleagues and keep workplace conflict at bay.

Imagine this: You’re leading a high-stakes team meeting. Deadlines are looming, and everyone’s under pressure. Nic, a key team member, has been unusually quiet. When someone asks him a question about the timeline, he rolls his eyes. Later, he responds to suggestions from another colleague with thinly veiled sarcasm. “Oh, sure, let’s add another layer of complexity,” he quips, causing uncomfortable shifts and eyebrow raises in the meeting room (and what appears to be furtive typing, possibly in side-bar conversations between team members). 

Despite his smirk, it’s evident Nic’s frustrated. Both you and your team are struggling to engage with him and the atmosphere becomes charged with tension. What do you do?

This is a classic example of passive-aggressive behaviour in the workplace. It happens when communication is indirect or avoidant. Over time, passive-aggressive behaviour leads to a breakdown in communication and collaboration. It harms your team’s culture by undermining trust and transparency. 

Ultimately, when it goes unchecked, passive-aggressive behaviour can erode job satisfaction and destroy relationships – with obvious negative consequences for team and organisational outcomes. 

Even if you’ve never encountered passive-aggressive behaviour in the workplace, you will someday. According workplace expert and author Amy Gallo, the passive-aggressor is the most common of the eight types of difficult people you’re likely to encounter in the workplace. 

So how can you address passive aggressive behaviour, both as colleagues and as leaders, to promote a healthier work environment? 

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What is passive-aggressive behaviour?

Passive-aggressive behaviour can manifest in different ways: from procrastination, sulking and sarcasm to the ‘silent treatment’. As Gallo points out, the origins of passive aggression are commonly rooted in fear or anxiety. 

“Often, people act passive-aggressively because they have rejection sensitivity – they’re afraid of being rejected. So the thinking is, ‘If I don’t have an opinion, stick to an idea, or follow through on anything, then you won’t reject me.’” 

Gallo thinks this is becoming more common in workplaces due to an increase in conflict aversion at work. 

“The portrayal of conflict is so negative that we’ve come to associate saying ‘I don’t agree with you’ with saying ‘I hate you.’ We’ve become so wedded to our ideologies that we can’t see that just because Sally doesn’t like my idea, that doesn’t mean Sally doesn’t like me as a person.”

How to deal with passive-aggressive colleagues 

If you work with someone who behaves passive-aggressively, there are steps you can take to start to shift this behaviour and improve your team dynamics. These six strategies will help you de-escalate the tension that flows from passive-aggressive behaviour, and, ultimately, create a healthier, safer work environment for your whole team.

1. Don’t demonise: 

Don’t label the person as passive-aggressive, nor shame or humiliate them. When you start to understand the behaviour likely comes from a root fear of rejection, it helps you see their humanity. 

Share your observations with curiosity and without placing blame. For example, try saying, ‘I noticed that you seemed frustrated during our last meeting; I’d like to better understand what’s bothering you and how I can help.’ This gentle nudge can encourage honesty and clarity in your interactions.

2. Clarify expectations 

Misunderstandings can fuel passive-aggressive tendencies. Clearly outlining project goals and individual responsibilities is vital to reduce ambiguity and avoid future issues. Take extra time, especially in early meetings, to ensure parameters and expectations are crystal clear and follow up to cross check that these have been communicated clearly. 

3. Observe and reflect on body language and other signals: 

Often, people in a passive-aggressive state will withdraw or disassociate. Where appropriate (unlikely in team meetings, more likely in one-on-ones), and when your relationship with the person is sufficiently strong, give them this feedback gently. 

For example, ‘I get the sense you just disconnected a little. I may be wrong, but do we need to try this again or should we come back to this conversation later?’

4. Create a psychologically safe environment: 

Make it clear in your words and actions that conflict is an inevitable and healthy component of any team or relationship. What matters is how that disagreement is navigated. 

Model this in team meetings as well as one-on-ones. As Gallo puts it, “Make it clear you are disagreeable-with.” Clearly express that you are ok with conflict, pushback and personal opinions being expressed respectfully.

5. Take accountability for your role in the relationship: 

Gallo says that even when you’re annoyed with that passive-aggressive peer you have to interact with every day, “there’s probably something in that behaviour that is actually serving them.” Rather than allowing the situation to continue playing out in the same pattern, take a step back and ask yourself some deeper questions, like ‘What might this person gain from acting this way?’, ‘What am I doing that might be unintentionally encourage this behaviour?’, and ‘Why might I be allowing this pattern to continue?’ 

Taking small steps – such as pausing rather than reacting in the same emotionally driven pattern – will begin shifting the relationship in a new direction.

6. Model constructive behaviour and share your own learning process: 

As a leader, it’s essential to your team’s collaboration that you role model positive communication and conflict-resolution strategies. By demonstrating vulnerability – like admitting when you’ve demonstrated passive-aggressive behaviour yourself, and what you’re doing to work on this tendency – you create a safe space for others to express their feelings and frustrations openly, too. 

A path to a healthier workplace

Addressing passive-aggressive behaviour is not just about confronting unproductive actions; it’s about creating a culture that values open communication, clarity and emotional intelligence. Whether you’re a team member or leading a team, you have the power to transform these challenging behaviours into opportunities for growth and collaboration. 

By embracing these strategies, you contribute to a healthier, more productive work environment where team unity flourishes. The journey takes time and patience, but with commitment and practice, you’ll be well on your way to transforming your relationships at work for the better.

Amy Gallo sat down with Alexis Zahner and Sally Clarke to record an episode on the We Are Human Leaders podcast at SXSW Festival in Sydney, 2024. Excerpts from this podcast episode have been quoted, with approval, in this article. 

Author bios

Sally Clarke (she/her)  – Co-Host of We Are Human Leaders, is a former corporate finance lawyer turned burnout and workplace wellbeing expert, speaker and thought leader. She’s author of two books, including “Protect Your Spark: How to Avoid Burnout and Live Authentically” and writes regularly on leadership, spirituality, and burnout prevention for individuals and organisations.

Alexis Zahner (she/her) – Co-Host of We Are Human Leaders, is a former leader at Patagonia in Canada and is now a Leadership and Workplace Culture Expert, Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher. She’s authored articles on the Huffington Post, Allied Magazine, and contributed to articles on Forbes. She’s a LinkedIn Top Voice in the field of leadership and careers, and regularly publishes content and articles on leadership, mindfulness and workplace culture.

About Amy Gallo, contributing guest

Amy Gallo is a workplace expert who writes and speaks about effective communication, interpersonal dynamics, gender, difficult conversations and feedback. She is the best-selling author of Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) and the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict, as well as hundreds of articles for Harvard Business Review as a Contributing Editor.