Sure, it’s good to be nice. But that won’t help you when there are tough decisions to be made.

Over the years, I’ve often had young talent ask me to mentor them because they want to work in HR. I love to mentor, but I like to do it for the right reasons. I usually ask them why they want to work in HR, and more often than not, the answer goes something like this: “I love working with people, developing them and helping them”. In response I usually say: “If that’s what you want to do then you should work in operations or general management, not HR”. People are often shocked by this honest response. The misperception that HR is a “nice” profession because we work with people is pervasive, and often leads to the wrong kind of talent in the function.

To be fair, being nice is usually an expectation and requirement of the job. But I think this is where some people get confused. They think the role is all about helping people, and mistakenly assume that being a nice person is qualification enough for the function. However, “nice” is only a starting point – it’s not nearly enough.

Fair, not nice

When discussing this with a former colleague, he pointed out that in HR, “We aren’t in the nice business, we’re in the fair business”.

Let’s consider a few HR roles as examples:

Restructuring

Whenever there’s an organisational restructure, there are winners and losers. Dealing with the people that land on their feet is easy. But in any restructure there are those that lose their job, face demotions, or sometimes end up in a role they don’t like. These people deserve a respectful and fair process. Nice is just not enough.

During my HR career I’ve been involved in a lot of restructuring projects. I remember one person in particular; a colleague that I knew and liked, but who didn’t have the right experience or capabilities for the revised structure. When I informed him there was no job for him, he took the paper I tried to give him with key data, crumpled it up, and threw it in my face. It was emotionally very painful, for both of us.

I ran into him about a year later while shopping in a local store. He saw me and called my name. I braced myself for what might come, but he was as friendly as could be. He told me he had a great job, and thanked me for making it possible for him to be in a position to get it. This is a rare and gratifying experience, as usually we never get the backstory. Sometimes they don’t turn out that well. But whatever the case, we must take satisfaction in treating professionals with fairness and dignity.

Recruiting

There are few things as enjoyable as telling somebody they got the job they were really hoping for. Unfortunately, for everybody that gets the job, there are many people who don’t. It’s not so fun to make those calls.

Compensation is about paying people what the job is worth, not what they want. This often causes disagreement and friction. HR professionals must learn to explain facts and reality, not only to employees at all levels, but also often to their managers who feel they should be able to pay more.

Talent management is about differentiating top talent and investing in them disproportionately. Delivering that news to the selected individuals can certainly be enjoyable. But for every top talent there are many who are not at the same level, and we often must explain why we have rewarded others disproportionately.

It’s hard being fair

Learning and development should be about giving people the training they need, not what they want. Employee relations is about ensuring we have a consistent and fair work environment, not to make everybody happy with their circumstances.

Culture is about creating a great and effective working environment, not necessarily a nice environment. Great and nice aren’t synonyms.

Empathy is the key

I believe what HR professionals really need is not niceness, but empathy. We must do the work, sometimes tough work, that our organisations need. As a function, we are often expected to give difficult news and feedback, or to help other leaders give such feedback. It’s always better to give it in an empathic way.

Balance

As HR professionals we have to keep it all balanced if we want to maintain sanity. It’s important to take a breath sometimes and keep it all in perspective. I love my job, not because it’s “nice”, but because I find fulfilment in helping the organisation achieve its objectives through human capital. Helping and watching people grow is great. But helping and watching the company grow through it’s people is even more important and fulfilling.

So, if you want to work in HR, please take note of what’s really required for success and make sure you’re pursuing this career for the right reasons.

If you already work in HR, keep perspective and focus on what’s most important. Have empathy, but do the right thing and don’t be afraid to deliver the tough messages.

If you’re neither of these, please go give your HR partner a hug and show appreciation for what they do.

This is an edited version of an article originally posted on LinkedIn. Brian Walker is global HR executive at Unifrax, New York.